I am what I am. Get ovs.

Something really valuable occurred to me tonight. Not really totally new, maybe a revisited theme in my life, but whatevs it is what it is.

I'm kind of a loudish gal. I got a bit of spunk. Charisma. Whatevs. I don't try to hide it. Its part of me, love it or leave it. I refuse to downplay a huge part of my character due to some one else's insecurities or inability to deal with it. Those who are close to me love me unconditionally, as I do them. Any other way is bullshit.

I will not hide behind false pretenses, toning down my character, I dont play games with hidden messages, I say what I mean and I mean what I say. Don't assume that my duty in life is to figure out some sort of riddle. Need I remind everyone else I am absorbed in my own drama, just like the rest of the world, focused on my own goings-on & responsibilities. I know everyone else has their own agenda, and that is why I generally dont get bent out of shape over things. Im busy, your busy, we're all busy, arent we?!

I do not need to apologize because my art is not generally filled with subversive political hidden messages and whatnot. All due respect, I may hold yall in high regard for making that kind of art, but I certainly feel as though I am due a little respect too. There may be a lot of vaginas and breasts and 'obscenity' and the like in my art, but do not make the mistake of underestimating me, writing me off like that. I see right through it and it just gets on my nerves. I assure you, my randomness is completely calculated. It bums me out that no matter how far we seem to come as a species, theres just a little something lacking. Come on now guys. We can do better than that, cant we??? Gah.

Perhaps that is the point I've been trying to get across all this time.

I am perfectly capable of figuring shit out on my own. Trust me. I do it all the time. I just dont always make a big deal of it.

Ugh. Tomorrow I will likely feel completely different about the whole thing. Perhaps I will think its not burdensome at all to play the silly games and I will have all the energy in the world for it. Maybe partially its being a chickenshit on my part, and maybe its partially thinking what a total waste of time it all is. Whatever. I am not into playing guessing games. Dont pinch me under the table and assume that it should mean something. If you have a problem with me, f***ing tell me so. If you feel like you want to confess something to me, then do it. Otherwise, it bores me a little bit. I just need a little honesty and sincerity.

I'm going to go to bed now with the one person who I know is completely authentic 100% of the time. Me. G'nite yall.