4.17.09

Tonight is Gallery Night - Woot woot! I am excited to get out tonight and do some schmoozing and see what everyone has been up to. I love to check out my friends' art and meet new people & artists. And it should be a most perfect day for it as well, considering that it appears as though spring might just finally be upon us here in Milwaukee. Hopefully it will prove to be a very inspiring day/evening!! But I've learned its best to let go of one's expectations and just go with it, so we shall see what comes of it all. So many spots on my list that I'd like to hit up tonight. Will there be time for it all? Mental note to self to remember my camera and a stack of business cards.

It amuses me.

Part of being an artist is exposing yourself to your audience. Raw unfiltered bits of your soul, just out there for everyone to see. But often those glimpses come with little or no explanation, so it is subject to interpretation. Then in a way, the art becomes the viewer's own experience and has little or nothing to do with the artist anymore. So perhaps being an artist is a little like being a psychic medium, merely channeling energy for others, serving others needs. Maybe even a tad like a prostitute. Used and tossed aside. Unless, of course, the artist is somehow benefitting from this process as well. Maybe the viewer is using the artist for said experience. But perhaps, the artist is also using the viewer, maybe even without their knowledge. Reclaiming their identity. Reinventing themselves.

With every highly inspiring day or period of time, for me, is generally followed by a crash, exhaustion. I pour so much of myself into what I do, and then I withdraw, tired of it all. But then out of my own ashes I find some new interest or inspiration and the cycle begins again. Never dead, just overwhelmed. Then underwhelmed.

Sometimes I think you're not listening. Maybe I should start over.

Its like having an intense crush on someone. Butterflies when they speak to you, or when you even think about them.

And then BAM.

One day it just hits you. You're over it. Then a stretch of time passes since you've spoken to them or even thought about them, something reminds you, and you rediscover that its still there, just wasn’t on the forefront of your mind. Ah, but its fun! Its certainly a magical feeling to look at a piece that I made years ago and recapture that same lust. Powerful. Addicting. Hott rush. Like being 13 years old again and having the biggest crush of your life, legs turning into noodles, sweaty palms, heart racing. Just thinking about it now makes my toes tingle...

Do I have your attention yet?

I can hear you breathing.

I can feel your hot breath on my ear, my neck. Wanting. Urgent.

That is what I’m talking about. The chase. The buildup. The toe-curling climax. The bittersweet afterglow, accompanied by a hint of let down that the whole affair has come full circle. Looking for that next fix. Searching. Lost and abandoned. Then like a slap across the face when you least expect it, the next one arrives. And it feels amazing, like it will never end.

But you know better now. Not 13 anymore. Made enough art by now. Been through this before. Know its not going to last. Better to just let go and enjoy the moment. Lose yourself in it. Forget about tomorrow and make some damn art.

Robots.

Dammit. I've been thinking about this all day and I go to search for it and apparently someone complained and had it pulled off YouTube, so here is Mike Sullivan talking about his movie in progress, "Sex Machines".

04.07.2009

So I was just walking, nice day out, perhaps enough caffeine today to qualify for mania status, and as I passed a restaurant I could see the bartender talking to a patron and the sun reflected on his eyes in a most creepy manner. Stark white. Vacuous. Soulless. And as my head is constantly going a million miles a minute, this somehow brings me to, 'man it would totally suck to be a robot'. And then it hit me like a thousand hyperactive children jumping up and down, begging for ice cream. Inspiration. Mania. And so it begins, again...

Ah! I wish I had time to write more!!

Progress.

Been making lots of new art lately. It’s a beautiful thing! Have been thinking a lot lately about alter-egos, taking it to a dark place, or humorous, playful, sexy, mysterious, etc. Trying not to overanalyze, just going with it. Doing lots of work on paper these days, as opposed to my usual oil on canvas, which is more or less for financial reasons. Gotta be resourceful, there’s a damn recession happening people!! Gosh, but I have so many creative ideas, problem is just finding the time & money to execute a lot of them. I’m already burning the candle at both ends many days, but I have this intense desire to be productive and push myself. I’m not easily satisfied with my progress. When I leave this world, hopefully a loooooooooooooooooong time from now, I want to leave behind a prolific body of important work. I want to make work that has an impact, leaves a lasting impression on people, but on the flip I also don’t care what people think and I need to remain true to myself. Sometimes the finished product isn’t always so important as the creative process. Sometimes the mania driven frenzied thought process & execution of such is more important to me than how saleable the final piece might be. I’m cool with that at times, however I need to get out and line up some shows. I swear there are not enough hours in the day!! Also been thinking about green ways to make quality art. Definitely am not wasteful with my materials. From time to time when I see something interesting put out for the trash, I’ll take it if I think I can paint on it or re-work it into something neat. I’m all about recycling & reusing stuff so long as it doesn’t look cheap. So that’s the dealy yo yo. My mind is racing in a million directions. Ah, if only I were working in the studio right now. Where are you, wealthy benefactor?? I know you are out there somewhere. Sigh. :)

Bound with electrical tape.

Ah, I've been crazy busy productive in the art studio. I had another manic moment of inspiration today and just went with it and its amazing thus far. You just never know whats going to happen with ideas. I have a lot of them and I don't always follow through for various reasons, but this project is really moving me and I suspect I'll be on it over the weekend. Love that. Nothing makes me feel more alive than just being in the moment, making art, doing what comes most natural to me, getting my hands good and dirty with graphite, charcoal, watercolors, pastels, oil paints. Yes. Gah. I can hardly wait to get back at it again tomorrow!!!

Video interview re: art/parenting

So there was this blog someone posted a link to online. This mother took her kids to the Milwaukee Art Museum and apparently she did not come away with a moving experience from the art. She referred to the Ellsworth Kelly as "primary colored rectangular pieces of crap". As they passed the Standing Woman, one of the girls "saw the HUGE backside she looked disgusted and said, 'I don't like that bum!' We actually passed this statue three times and every time we passed it Audrey closed her eyes and said, 'Tell me when we're passed that statue so I can open my eyes again.' I'm right there with you child!" And in the current Jan Lievens exhibit "as you turn the corner one of the first paintings you see is of a woman with her breasts hanging out. So ugly." and one of the girls commented "She is so immodest!" So this mother told them to close their eyes. "Seriously, I don't understand that kind of painting. It is not attractive to me at all and I was just as disgusted as Audrey was. It's times like those that I love having an unabashed five year old who will say out loud what I am thinking!" However, this woman really enjoyed some paintings of flowers and some pretty blown glass.

So this had been eating at me for days when I was approached by Mary Louise Schumacher who writes Art City for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. She suggested that a constructive response might be to do a video interview, one mom to another, about the matter, which can be seen here.

Of course all the thoughts & arguments that had been dancing in my head for nearly a week seemed to evaporate the moment a video camera was in my face. The point I wanted to get across was that this was never meant as an attack on this other mother, nor was it intended to be an art history lecture about the relevance or importance of the artworks in question, not for me anyway. This was simply supposed to be one mom to another mom. The most frightening part of the whole thing to me is not this woman's opinion of the art - its a matter of raising clones vs. raising kids who can think for themselves, who can ask questions and think critically, and don't just follow the herd, kids and parents engaging in intelligent discussions about things whether they agree or disagree on the matter at hand, so that they learn how to make good choices and grow up to be successful adults. Perhaps I did not convey this well enough to get my feelings across on the matter, but I was really nervous. This was certainly never intended to be a pissing match of any sort. But as an artist and a mother, the whole thing really got under my skin as very sad and unfortunate for these kids that they were missing out on a bigger learning opportunity.

Perhaps I should have just sat down with her over coffee so I could say to her in a pleading manner from across the table, don't you see what a disservice you are doing to your children when you don't allow them the opportunity to think outside of their comfort zone, encourage them to look at things from other perspectives to gain a deeper understanding of the world around them?? If you are raising your children to be just like you, little mini-me's, little clones, then whats the point? I realize it takes a lot of different types of people to make the world go round. Aren't kids people too, worthy of having their own unique experience? I believe each generation should push the limits of the one before it, this is how we make progress, learn, grow, make discoveries, etc. Let's open up a dialog with our kids, it will make them AND us better people. Be open minded. Or, are we just reproducing because kids are cute? That makes me very sad. Yes, kids are cute. But they are intelligent human beings full of limitless potential and they all deserve their own experience and parents who are willing to push themselves beyond their own comfort zones to help them achieve that higher, more meaningful existence. I don't know about anyone else, but I have found parenthood to be a HUGE learning & growing experience. Sometimes its about learning to let go of your expectations and go with the flow. Sometimes its about having to keep an open mind myself about things. If my child wants to be an athlete when she grows up, and I personally am not so into sports, should I discourage her from this? Absolutely not! I want her to be the best that she can be at whatever path she chooses. So I guess I've had a lot of time to think about this. And in a lot of ways, parenting is like an art form - seldom perfect, lots of 'happy accidents' or learning opportunities, always searching for answers and new techniques.